Nicola Sturgeon was touring rural Scotland in the First Minister's chauffer driven car. Suddenly a cow jumped out into the road. They hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
Nicola, in her usual jaunty manner, says to the chauffer, "You get out and check - you were driving." The chauffer gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead. "You were driving, go and tell the farmer," says Nicola, "I can't afford to be blamed for anything." The chauffer walks up the drive to the farmhouse and returns five hours later totally plastered his hair ruffled and with a big grin on his face.
"My goodness what happened to you?" asks Nicola. The chauffer replied, "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of single malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me."
"What on earth did you say to them?" asked Nicola. "I knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said, "I'm Nicola Sturgeon's chauffer and I've just killed the cow."