Golf Club Cliché Characters

MetalMickie

Tour Winner
Joined
Oct 1, 2013
Messages
4,923
Location
Four miles too far!
The 15 holer.

"I was going very nicely today, would certainly have made buffer.
Just the 5th, 9th and 12th that let me down." (As if it's the fault of the course).

Mind you I could go on about any member who wants to tell me about their round. I may be interested in the score, beyond that No!
 

NearHull

Active member
Joined
Dec 24, 2018
Messages
141
The 15 handicapper who constantly tells the 6 handicapper (and Current Club Captain) in your group just what he is doing wrong.
 

Jacko_G

Journeyman Pro
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
6,516
Ah so you've met my brother then......
100% NOT.

Just a generalisation. This type of person should have been brought to task years ago but for some reason many feel sorry for them until their lies hit a new low and it turns to disgust however they are that thick skinned they feel no shame and continue as before despite being rumbled and outed on several occasions.
 

Wolf

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 4, 2018
Messages
5,529
Location
Lincolnshire
The Baller...

Rocks up in his Audi A5 Sport line (Or BMW 3 Series Mtech), rocks up on the practice tee dripping head to toe in Hugo Boss golf gear as only the best will do, has his full TM tour bag kitted out with TM gear, personalised headcovers, his name emblazoned on the bag like the tour pro he wishes he was, all sat nicely on his remote control trolley.

Was a bit of a player in his younger days so still knows how to "golf his ball". Has a brash loud laugh with the lads as he tees off, returns a round in the low 70s everytime depsite hitting it to parts unknown but always finds his ball when others couldn't. His "results" allow him to qualify for county comps giving him the big man status (in his mind anyway) but then struggles to break 85 once he plays in those big comps but was always because of bad luck..

Yet everyone at the club really thinks he's a knob, including the sexy polish bar maid who he thinks he has a shot at 😂
 

Wolf

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 4, 2018
Messages
5,529
Location
Lincolnshire
100% NOT.

Just a generalisation. This type of person should have been brought to task years ago but for some reason many feel sorry for them until their lies hit a new low and it turns to disgust however they are that thick skinned they feel no shame and continue as before despite being rumbled and outed on several occasions.
For a generalisation you nailed him 😂
Also see description of Baller 🤣
 

pauldj42

Money List Winner
Joined
Nov 13, 2012
Messages
13,243
Location
Seaham
The 18 handicapper who should be off single figures if it wasn’t for his short game letting him down when the rest of his game is on fire.
Or if it wasn’t for his woods letting him down when his short game is on fire, oh and by the way, he’d certainly put his putting up against anyone in the Club.
 

clubchamp98

Journeyman Pro
Joined
Jan 23, 2014
Messages
7,127
Location
Liverpool
The old dude

Plays off 13-15 in his 60's pushing 70. Used to be a cat 1 player in his hayday. Still a Rolls Royce of a golf swing and mustard around the greens. You don't want to play him for cash.
Thoroughly nice guy with more stories than anybody. Still rides his bike and was a pretty decent footballer in his day.
He knocked me out of the singles last year.
Giving him 8 shots and his gross was better than mine.
 
Joined
Jul 24, 2012
Messages
21,814
The Scot who every Saturday gets the proverbial extracted for not being able to find the bottom of his pocket when looking for the £1 to go in the pot; gets asked how wee Jimmy Krankie is doing these days - and then afterwards can't find his wallet when drinks are to bought.

And he smiles and says 'she's doing very well thankyou, and if you don't have very much you don't throw it around'...he can be soooo irritating as he is supposed to be getting wound up by the banter - but he just smiles, and tells us that he and his countrymen will be heading home once they've fixed England - right and proper ;)
 

clubchamp98

Journeyman Pro
Joined
Jan 23, 2014
Messages
7,127
Location
Liverpool
The Baller...

Rocks up in his Audi A5 Sport line (Or BMW 3 Series Mtech), rocks up on the practice tee dripping head to toe in Hugo Boss golf gear as only the best will do, has his full TM tour bag kitted out with TM gear, personalised headcovers, his name emblazoned on the bag like the tour pro he wishes he was, all sat nicely on his remote control trolley.

Was a bit of a player in his younger days so still knows how to "golf his ball". Has a brash loud laugh with the lads as he tees off, returns a round in the low 70s everytime depsite hitting it to parts unknown but always finds his ball when others couldn't. His "results" allow him to qualify for county comps giving him the big man status (in his mind anyway) but then struggles to break 85 once he plays in those big comps but was always because of bad luck..

Yet everyone at the club really thinks he's a knob, including the sexy polish bar maid who he thinks he has a shot at 😂
Starting to feel sorry for this poor barmaid!
 

Lord Tyrion

Money List Winner
Joined
Sep 9, 2014
Messages
14,703
Location
Northumberland
Starting to feel sorry for this poor barmaid!
Don't worry, she has the measure of all of them. She smiles, laughs at them unseen, calls them in Polish so they don't understand, and makes more money in a month than she could in 6 months back in Poland. She has bought her plot of land next to her mothers already and will be able to build her new house outright, with no mortgage in another 3-4 years. She has a plan that is working beautifully and has contempt for these blokes constantly trying to chat her up :D.
 

drive4show

Ryder Cup Winner
Joined
Jul 16, 2011
Messages
13,035
Location
Poole, Dorset
The bloke who sits in the bar after a round and tells you how he would have won the Stableford comp had he not 'blobbed' 2 or 3 holes. He has the same conversation after every Stableford comp.
You can find multiple versions of this bloke on here every weekend in the 'I played today' thread :oops:
 

Wolf

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 4, 2018
Messages
5,529
Location
Lincolnshire
The Blogger:

The relatively new phenomenon of golfer that has been playing average to crap golf for years with the odd good stableford. But now he has Internet access has decided to reinvent himself with a blog quest of 2 years to single figures or in search of Scratch.
Spends a fortune on lessons with varying pros because it's just not working, advocates funky ideas for chipping, pitching and swing technique to point they an expert despite still being rubbish and unable to break 90.

Chronicles everything in a blog for all to read but years on they're still as crap as ever.
 

ger147

Tour Winner
Joined
Jun 5, 2013
Messages
4,002
Location
Cumbernauld
A more recent creation, the YouTube pro.

And I don't mean the actual pros with YT channels, I mean the guy who watches all the videos and is now carving out a career as an on-course coach, talking you all the way round the course, commenting on your face to path numbers and pointing out how changing your low point could affect your spin axis. As he was watching a video about it last night he is able to advise you what you need to change to achieve this.
 

drive4show

Ryder Cup Winner
Joined
Jul 16, 2011
Messages
13,035
Location
Poole, Dorset
The Blogger:

The relatively new phenomenon of golfer that has been playing average to crap golf for years with the odd good stableford. But now he has Internet access has decided to reinvent himself with a blog quest of 2 years to single figures or in search of Scratch.
Spends a fortune on lessons with varying pros because it's just not working, advocates funky ideas for chipping, pitching and swing technique to point they an expert despite still being rubbish and unable to break 90.

Chronicles everything in a blog for all to read but years on they're still as crap as ever.
I have absolutely no idea who you may be referring to........ :unsure:
 
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