Golf Club Cliché Characters

timd77

Assistant Pro
Joined
Jun 17, 2013
Messages
343
Opposite to fan boy we have scruffy Murphy. He’s had the same golf clothes, shoes, clubs and bag for 20 years. His mate sold him the clubs for a tenner. A ball lasts several rounds, never buys a new one, just plays what he finds. Has a half in the clubhouse, he’s paid his subs and they’re getting eff all else off him! Tees all tied to a piece of string.
 

JamesR

Tour Winner
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
6,100
Location
Derby
Opposite to fan boy we have scruffy Murphy. He’s had the same golf clothes, shoes, clubs and bag for 20 years. His mate sold him the clubs for a tenner. A ball lasts several rounds, never buys a new one, just plays what he finds. Has a half in the clubhouse, he’s paid his subs and they’re getting eff all else off him! Tees all tied to a piece of string.
and he shoots low 70’s every week with all that old tat
 

6535

Newbie
Joined
Sep 3, 2013
Messages
331
The seriously good old boy who played county stuff years ago, has an old pencil bag with 3 balls and 30 yr old clubs, doesn’t hit it that far, nothing spectacular doesn’t say much, then shakes your hand after trouncing you 7&6 😂
 
Thread starter #27

Traminator

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2020
Messages
1,431
Maureen.

Coming up to her 20th year as the Secretary's Assistant.
Would prefer if she still had a weekly trip to the Post Office to send out the correspondence, but is slowly getting used to this new computerised stuff, emails and the like.

Has never set foot on a golf course, had a little fling with the previous Secretary 15 years ago but "is too old for that sort of thing" nowadays.
📞 "Yes, the Secretary is here somewhere, if you tell me what it's about I'll see if he's in the office" 📞
 

brickie

Medal Winner
Joined
Sep 27, 2012
Messages
41
Old guy, never does well in drawn comps that are qualifiers but is mustard when playing with his mates in non qualifiers.
he and his regular 4 ball play their own version of the rules. balls can be lifted from divots and placed on a worm cast, line of sight from large trees, drop out of the bunker, that type of thing. Never spends a penny in the clubhouse.
 

IainP

Tour Rookie
Joined
Oct 26, 2011
Messages
2,298
Location
Oxfordshire
The tinny guy. Always has a couple of beers before teeing off, and several cans in the bag for the round. Is adamant a few sharpeners makes him play better.
Stops on each hole to off load excess fluids.
 

mikejohnchapman

Challenge Tour Pro
Joined
Oct 5, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Dorset
Middle aged bloke that was a junior member, and tells you every time you play a certain hole, he used to drive it over the huge tree 200 yards from the tee. That was because the tree was about six foot high when you were a kid.
Name isn't Roberto something is it?
 
Thread starter #33

Traminator

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Apr 6, 2020
Messages
1,431
Agnieszka (Aga),

28 year old MILF behind the bar. Graduated from Gdansk University with a degree in Business Management, speaks fluent English, German and her native Polish.
Hardest working member of the catering staff, 99% of the male members, 65% of the lady members, all the Juniors, Maureen and the Secretary all dream of sleeping with her, and she plays them like a fiddle.
Her long term boyfriend, Wojtech the assistant greenkeeper, has that pleasure though.
 

Doon frae Troon

Ryder Cup Winner
Joined
Mar 5, 2012
Messages
16,280
Location
S W Scotland
One of my clubs had a boring know all who was called Enos by everyone. [not to his face though which made it even funnier]

The other type is the one who always claims he/she/it has the support of all of the Senior/ladies/junior/sweep sections when constantly re-airing his 'great idea' that went to committee and was supported by 3 members 5 years ago.;)

Golfers who say you will 'loose those greens' the minute they see a wee brown patch on the edge of the green during a heatwave.
 

mikejohnchapman

Challenge Tour Pro
Joined
Oct 5, 2011
Messages
1,060
Location
Dorset
The Golf Expression guy (often in a cockney accent) who has a phrase for every shot played.....

Air mail - To hit a shot much farther than planned (most commonly over the green.) Amateur golfers frequently airmail approaches to greens fronted by hazards.

It's a Beagle = Term used to describe a score of double par on a single hole.

That's in the Cabbage - Deep, thick, inescapable rough. Also called spinach. Green, leafy vegetables are not good for your golf game.

Elephant's ass - A poorly struck shot that is "high and stinky." Usually applied to a popped-up drive that is higher than it is long. An elephant's ass might also prompt a comment such as, "Except for distance and direction, that was a good shot."

You Fanned that = To miss the ball completely. The air moves, but nothing else does.

James Joyce = A putt that's impossible to read.

John Kennedy Jr. - Didn't quite make it over the water.

Monica Lewinski - All Lip and no hole.

O.J. - Got away with one.

Rock Hudson - A putt that looked straight, but wasn't.

Princess Di - Shouldn't have used the driver.

Ted Kennedy = Goes in the water and jumps out.

Cuban - Putt that just needed one more ball revolution

Paris Hilton - A very expensive hole.

etc...............
 
Last edited:

richart

Major Champion
Joined
Aug 20, 2009
Messages
17,522
Location
Surrey
The Golf Expression guy (often in a cockney accent) who has a phrase for every shot played.....

Air mail - To hit a shot much farther than planned (most commonly over the green.) Amateur golfers frequently airmail approaches to greens fronted by hazards.

Beagle = Term used to describe a score of double par on a single hole.

Cabbage - Deep, thick, inescapable rough. Also called spinach. Green, leafy vegetables are not good for your golf game.

Elephant's ass - A poorly struck shot that is "high and stinky." Usually applied to a popped-up drive that is higher than it is long. An elephant's ass might also prompt a comment such as, "Except for distance and direction, that was a good shot."

Fan = To miss the ball completely. The air moves, but nothing else does.

James Joyce = A putt that's impossible to read.

John Kennedy Jr. - Didn't quite make it over the water.

Monica Lewinski - Alll Lip and no hole.

O.J. - Got away with one.

Rock Hudson - A putt that looked straight, but wasn't.

Princess Di - Shouldn't have used the driver.

Ted Kennedy = Goes in the water and jumps out.

Cuban - Putt that just needed one more ball revolution

Paris Hilton - A very expensive hole.

etc...............
You know Smiffy then.
 

richart

Major Champion
Joined
Aug 20, 2009
Messages
17,522
Location
Surrey
Agnieszka (Aga),

28 year old MILF behind the bar. Graduated from Gdansk University with a degree in Business Management, speaks fluent English, German and her native Polish.
Hardest working member of the catering staff, 99% of the male members, 65% of the lady members, all the Juniors, Maureen and the Secretary all dream of sleeping with her, and she plays them like a fiddle.
Her long term boyfriend, Wojtech the assistant greenkeeper, has that pleasure though.
She sounds great, but a MILF ? 🤷‍♀️
 
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