Imurg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 15/03/2008
Posts: 3906
Loc: Aylesbury Bucks
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To say I nearly wet myself reading this is the understatement of the century - Enjoy!!!!
AUSTRALIAN BRICKLAYER'S REPORT: Possibly the funniest story in a long while;
This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Austra1ian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure.
Dear Sir ,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-storey building.
When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block l-l of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks (that barrel weighed approximately 50 1bs) I refer you again to my weight.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain and unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your inquiry.
Kevin Roben
Wagga Glass e Aluminium Pty Ltd
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Real Golfers don't cry when they line up their 4th putt
Handicap 9.6 at Aylesbury Park.
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HomerJSimpson
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/2007
Posts: 11430
Loc: Bracknell - Berkshire
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Strewth cobber - what a raw prawn
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Happy Golfing
Handicap 12 (11.5)
Taylormade Tour Burner 10.5 degrees
Cleveland Hi Bore 3 and 5 woods
TM Burner 3 hybrid
TM Tour Preferred Irons 4-PW irons
TM Z TP wedges 52, and 58 degree
TM Rossa Daytona 34" putter
www.royalascotgolfclub.co.uk
http://threeoffthetee.blogspot.com/
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haplesshacker
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 18/01/2008
Posts: 3713
Loc: Between Southampton & Portsmou...
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Very good.
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www.improvemygolf.co.uk[/url]
The golf training and practice aid specialists.
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andycap
enthusiast
Reged: 12/12/2006
Posts: 304
Loc: Essex
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Here is that report in more detail http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxaCfJfw6AY
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Callaway FT3 tour 9.5deg neutral grafalloy blue stiff shaft
or ping G10 10.5 deg stiff shaft
ping g5 5 wood graphite
skymax 22deg graphite hybrid
yonex c280 cyberstar 4i- sw steel shaft
MD golf Norman Drew low bounce 58deg
scotty cameron studio stainless putter
srixon ad333
hillbilly trolley
www.ballardsgore.com
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Leftie
veteran
Reged: 09/12/2007
Posts: 1329
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As usual, the original is usually the best.
Gerard Hoffnung's address to the Oxford Union in 1958.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZUJLO6lMhI
Absolutely brilliant comic timing leaving sufficient time for the audience to work out what was coming next and laughing before he spoke.
If you can find it (I'm not going to all the work for you) there is also a monologue of him reading through a "French Hotelier's Brochure" mis-translated into English - a small extract being...
"Standing among savage scenery, the hotel offers stupendous revelations. There is a French widow in every bedroom, affording delightful prospects."
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Don't take life so seriously. No-one gets out alive.
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MarkE
journeyman
Reged: 20/10/2008
Posts: 82
Loc: Ipswich, Suffolk. England.
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'The Dubliners' did a version of this called 'The Sick Note'. You should listen to it if you can.
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In my Orange Izzo Transporter Bag.
Cobra LD Speed 10.5* Driver
Cobra gravity back 10.5*
Ben Sayers M2 5 wood
Benross V5 Escape(23*)
MacGregor M685 5-PW irons
Ram 52* 56* & 60* wedges
Odyssey 'Hawk' Putter
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viscount17
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 13/08/2007
Posts: 5686
Loc: Middle Earth,
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if you can, find the Bob Newhart monologues, the driving instructor should be a must for Imurg
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H'cap 21.3
Golf - Every Day, Something Different (goes wrong!)
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Imurg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 15/03/2008
Posts: 3906
Loc: Aylesbury Bucks
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I know - its quality. And not at all lifelike - much!!!!
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Real Golfers don't cry when they line up their 4th putt
Handicap 9.6 at Aylesbury Park.
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